Thursday, May 19, 2011

Because I Suck At The Blogging, That's Why!

Dear Secret Blogiary,

I admit quite readily, that I suck at keeping things up to date. I still have a Micheal Phelps calendar on my wall from 2009 open to January. I never flipped to page to see the next awesome Micheal Phelps photo. Never.

In any case, I have some good excuses umm, reasons - yeah, reasons - good reasons for not posting.

First, I'm boring. I haven't done much. Okay, really I have actually been doing a lot. But most of it is all just "regular" stuff - playing with The Girls, doing laundry, procrastinating.

Second, I am stressed about the whole stupid house situation, dejunking and packing. We found a nice house to rent and the move is on (have I mentioned this yet?).

Third, I am scouring and applying for jobs. I don't want to change jobs because of the economy but I also don't want the job I have. What a conundrum. With the move upcoming, I need something though. Once we move, there is no way that I will be able to commute to work! I'll be working to pay my gas bill!

Fourth, surviving the last weeks of school and trying to maintain my composure. And truly, surviving the last few weeks when the students have shut down because they took the FCAT and clearly have nothing more to learn takes a lot out of a person!

Fifth and quite honestly the most important reason, I have actually been quite diligently researching and planning for a story.

I am going to try a June NaNoWriMo (right, 'cause I need to stress about more stuff) and although NaNo is about a novel in a month, I am not going to rush too much on this one. I have some heavy hitting science research to do so the plot doesn't end up like a bad SyFy movie.

And let me just say that having to resort to the research librarian because I can't find an obscure text about 18th century farming techniques in Florida is slightly awkward.

"So, are you doing a paper?" He asks.

"Um...not exactly, just researching." I reply.

"" He asks, one eyebrow popping up into a near perfect arch.

Seriously! Why can everyone else do the Spock eyebrow?

"Well, actually, I need it for a story."

"Oh," he says and I get the feeling he is actually disappointed. "So you're a writer?"

"Yes." I say my face disappearing into a Farmer's Almanac. "Do you think you can get the book about farm tools?"

"Sure," he says, "I'll have to put a request in for it."

I nod. "Thanks," and turn back to the shelves.

He was totally mocking me. I know it. Snarking almost.

So that's where I am. Counting down the last few days of the school year. Searching for a new job. Scribbling notes. Packing. Reading. Plotting.

Breathing. Just breathing.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Open Letter to My Family

Dear Secret Blogiary,

Dear Family Member(s),

It has come to my attention that you*

A) still think I am a child
B) think I am an idiot
C) think maybe I was dropped on my head too many times to count
D) require constant supervision
E) have asked repeatedly for your advice
F) make rash emotionally-based decisions

While I didn’t intend for this to be a pop quiz, clearly, I need to ascertain your poor opinion of me before I reply to your increasingly emotional demands on my person.

Please let me begin with a few minor and simple observations:

1) While I may be the youngest, I am by no means a child. If you might recall at last birthday count I was pushing well into my mid-thirties. Plus, if you will kindly remember, I do not live at home.
2) Again, although I am the youngest, I actually have quite a bit of brains at my disposal. In fact, I am pretty sure that at birth, I had the same amount of brains as everyone else.
3) According to family legend, I was not actually the one dropped on my head.
4) I will readily admit, as a child if not supervised I tended to get into things, however, as a grown-up, I have no trouble getting into and then cleaning up my own things.
5) Point in fact, I do not ever ask for advice from family for the simple fact that you are family and therefore emotionally involved and I cannot rely on your advice being objective. This was true as a child and teenager, it is still true now.
6) While I can be emotional I don’t believe I have ever as a teenager or adult made a decision rashly – I may have made emotional decisions (clearly I married Mister W and there was a great deal of emotion in that) but rash? No.

So let’s review, just because I don’t talk to you about my life or major decisions that have no bearing on you or your life whatsoever does not mean that I do not think about my choices before acting on them. In fact, you might want to make a note about this, but I constantly think about my decisions and sort-of obsess over them because I want to look at all options, all sides, in every corner and under every rock before going through with a plan because guess what?

I was fucking raised to think before I act!! To gather all the information so that I could make a fucking well-informed decision.

In addition, I often do not ask you advice, not because I don’t want it, but because having lived my whole life knowing you, I know what you will say. I’ve paid attention through the years, watched the mistakes you’ve made and catalogued them deep in the clutter-filled recesses of my grey matter. I know most of the time you force give your advice because you care. Thank you, but unless I ask, please don't. Since before I can remember, I've tried very hard not to give unsolicited advice. I kept quiet during times when I thought you were doing something wrong. I ask for the same courtesy.

Also, when I walk away, let me go, especially if you are starting to raise your voice and/or cry. Don’t grab my arm and make ultimatums. I am walking away so that you or I don’t say something in an emotionally charged conversation that we will both regret. Remember, I think before I act, but sometimes you forget.

Finally, I don’t claim to not make mistakes. Mistakes and failure happen. I get that. I've made plenty. As a parent, I understand that if I can prevent my child from making a mistake, I should want to. But then how does one learn? I try to live by the philosophy: A smart person learns from their mistakes. A wise person learns from the mistakes of others.

A mistake can be a great motivational factor, a great learning tool and sometimes, a big mistake can result in the best possible consequence. Remember, that time when I got knocked up and according to some I “did it on purpose?” Mistake it might have been, but if we hadn’t made it, Mister W and I would not have our Big Sis!

So, should our choices result in an unforeseen and potentially rotten consequences, we’ll roll with it because that’s how we are. And if I talk about it or not, take comfort that just because I am silent, does not mean my brain is taking the night off.

Please stop trying to make me feel like shit because you dislike that I am not including you in a decision that affects only Mister W, The Girls and me. Stop accusing me of not making an effort to find another way. Just, for fuck’s sake, stop.



* For the remainder of this letter the singular ‘you’ shall refer to the plural ‘you all’ ‘all ya’ll’ or ‘youse guys’