Thursday, January 20, 2011

I am so glad that I was home for this today

Dear Secret Blogiary,

What I don’t understand is why people have to be assholes. I went camping over the long weekend (I’m working on a post about it) and the last day it rained. So I have wet equipment. Wet tent. Wet fly. Wet chairs. Wet sleeping bags.

Clearly, the equipment needs to get dried out in order to prevent mold, mildew and other rot from taking over. So, I kept the tent in my trunk until it cleared up and then set it up in the driveway to dry at the first hint of a warm sunny day. And then it rained. Again.

Clearly, I am not going to leave the tent up forever! I would like to park in my driveway again. But it has now been set up for two days and I have been out with towels encouraging it to dry. It is not my fault that the weather is not cooperating.

So today, who shows up at my door? The neighborhood Nazi I mean the community “manger,” Anne and her lurking evil sidekick Haggy (I don’t know her name but she sure as hell looks like a nasty hag with required scowl and hairy moles).

Anne: (nodding over her shoulder at the tent) You know that isn’t allowed to be there, right?

Me: It’s drying out.

Anne: (looking back at Hag and tent) What do you mean?

Me: (confused because here I thought I was speaking plain English) Umm. The tent is wet. I am trying to dry it out.

Anne: Well, it isn’t supposed to be there. You need to take it down.

Me: Clearly. In fact, as soon as it is dry I plan on doing that very thing.

Anne: Well?

Me: Well what?

Anne: Go take it down.

Me: Now?

Anne: (impatiently glaring at me) Yes. It isn’t supposed to be there.

Hag: (glaring) Hrumph.

Me: Yes. So I gathered from the three times you have now told me that. It is not dry yet.

Anne: (taking out a little doorknob hanging “ticket”) Well, I am going to have to give this to you.

Me: Okay.

Anne: When will you take the tent down?

Me: Really? I‘ll take it down when it is dry.

Anne: (handing me the ticket) And when exactly will that be?

Me: (looking up at the sky as I take the ticket) Well, assuming that it doesn’t rain again today, then, as soon as the tent is dry. As I have said.

Hag: (glares and scowls while tapping her foot)

Anne: So you’ll take it down today?

Me: Jesus! Really? I’ll take it down when it is dry!

Anne: (turning away from the door) Well, I will be checking back later. See that you take it down.

I guess it was a good thing they didn’t go out back to see the rest of the gear.

See that? I have a permanent record now! I'm a hard-core bad ass now!!

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