Friday, September 24, 2010

Maybe if it had been a giant, flying, rabid Scorpion of Doom, I wouldn’t have laughed so much.

Dear Secret Blogiary,

As we were leaving Girl Scouts tonight, I happened to notice a beautiful praying mantis sitting on the roof of my car. Big Sis and Little Sis had already gotten in and buckled but as praying mantis’s are not often spied around here, I told them to hop out so they could look at it.

The mantis, now with an audience, pumped itself up and flared out its front pincher legs (I am sure they have a proper name and all but how bad-ass is "pincer leg?"). Black alien eyes swirled at us trying to size up the threat we posed.

Little Sis oohed and ahhed. She loves all creepy crawlers – except of course for the completely misunderstood cockroach…and spider…and ants…and…heck I guess she really only likes roly-poly bug and ladybugs. She thought it was wonderful and asked if we could keep it.

Big Sis, on the other hand, immediately drew attention to the fact that it looked hungry and that if it was a female it would eat our heads off and that its front legs could probably take off my finger if I got too close.

I looked at her a bit concerned. Apparently, her abhorrence of bugs runs deeper than I suspected.

“Fine.” She muttered. “It’ll only eat a male’s head off, but that is still just as disturbing.”

She then demanded I remove it from the car. I waved my hand at it and it scurried a little bit away from me and then took a HUGE flying leap right at Big Sis! Now, I never doubted that that girl had lungs, but the shriek that hurdled from her mouth was on par with Fay Wray! She took off running from the car and the mantis settled in on her open car door.

“MOM!!” she screeched as she pointed at the door. “GET IT OFF!!”

I would have loved to; unfortunately I was doubled over laughing, Little Sis right along with me.

“This Is Not Funny!” Big Sis stomped further away from the car.

I finally walked around to the passenger side and shooed the mantis off the car and wouldn’t you know it, that bug went straight for Big Sis again! Her hands went up in the air as she waved them about trying to ward off the killer mantis and she raced around to the other side of the car.

I was pretty sure the bug had flown off, but I was laughing so hard I couldn’t tell. Big Sis kept demanding to know where it was and she wasn’t going to get into the car if it was in there.

I finally managed to get her to get in the car.

“I better not be in here, Mom.” She said as she started to buckle again.

I started the car and began to back out of my parking space.

As I began to pull forward I looked at her (and this is just how twisted I am as a parent) I dropped my mouth open and widened my eyes.

“Oh. My. God. It is ON your head!” I whispered.

But my daughter knows me a bit too well, “No it isn’t.” she said firmly.

“Open the door and get out,” I told her, “It is on your head.”

“Mom! Not funny!”

“I’m serious.” I said as I came to a stop.

At that point she just happened to turn around to look at Little Sis, who mimicked my face to perfection (devious minds think alike!). And that one look of hideous terror from her sister was enough to convince her that Mommy might not be pulling a prank.

She started to jump out of the car, panic clearly etched in every detail of her face and I started to feel just a little bit guilt.

“I’m kidding!” I said.

If only I had a camera to capture the look that she gave me; a mixture of relief, anger and laughter. Little Sis and I high-fived the awesome mantis prank, made even better because of the unspoken communication…I think we might have a bit of telepathy going.

“You, Mother, are cruel! I am not talking to you ever again!” she huffed as we pulled off.

Not two minutes later, “Mom, can we go to the bookstore before we go home?”

So much for a quiet ride home!

1 comment:

  1. I’m pleased to see you still have a sense of humor and enjoyed yourself for a while.